// balloon in the wind//

Honestly, Wreck It Ralph was so clever…and creative. Can I please come up with something innovative like that?? I have to draw out a storyboard for an animation idea for my graduate applications due Feb 1. So I have approximately 2 months to figure out the most bomb/creative/crazy/witty/cute/best animation I can, to have a fighting chance to be accepted. I’m not sure where I should be going in life at the moment, and I’m always changing my aspirations.

But then I realized something after reading this verse:

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” Proverbs 16:9

As seniors, there are probably more than a few individuals who don’t really have a concrete idea of what they want to become (myself included…I think I would be president of the club). But the answer is right in front of our eyes. God answers through our natural abilities and gifts. He has given us many talents/skills to lead us closer to the future he has planned for us.

God-Given Talent: a “gift,” something we can do easily , something that comes naturally

Basically, if you don’t know where you want to end up, just do what you are naturally good at and watch God confirm your choices. Don’t spend time doing what you’renotgood at.

When you do something you are not gifted at…you end up being miserable.

When you do something you love…you’ll excel in every possible way.

Operating in our gifts and using what God has blessed us with is glorifying and honoring to God. So, don’t think about the technical issues of how you’re going to get somewhere/the cost/etc just do what you’re good at because it’s God’s gift to you and he’ll provide you everything you need to succeed.

So, I’m going to stop worrying about my future in every aspect (school, career, relationships, etc). I’m just going to do what I want and love and see where God takes me; because, I’m sure it’ll be better than the place I would choose. No more forcing things.

I’m gonna be like a balloon in the wind. God will hold my string as I blow around in the wind doing what I want. But, no matter how much a blow from side to side, in the end God will continue to hold the string tightly and lead me to where he wants me to be.

https://vimeo.com/53485188 (watch it if you’re a visual type of person. it was an autobiography project for my class. special thanks to jung for holding the balloon :)

// INTJ//

You’ll only get as far as your biggest dream. Dreams are meant to be big but still somewhat practical. Everyone has dreams, but some people are more logical and practical compared to others.

INTJ. Introvert Intuition Thinking Judgment. Introvert. I prefer to hang out with a small group of friends. I’m content with being close to a few people instead of knowing the whole school. I think that’s one of the reasons that I like KCM. Some people view the “KCM Bubble” as a bad thing, but I personally kind of like it. I like to have a generally small group of people, KCM versus the number of students at UCSD, who I know and can hit up. Intuition. I look at the big picture and future possibilities rather than immediate realities. (took this from wiki). This is why I change my major so often. I keep thinking what will be the best route for me to be successful in the future, which makes me slightly indecisive and rash. Thinking. I consider things through an objective view instead of personal needs. I’m really not an emotional person, I’ve never been. Although, I’m more emotional than I initially thought I was. But I deal with emotions against the norm based on the society’s view. I’m more objective and don’t like to waste time unnecessarily, so even if I should act a certain way, I won’t if it doesn’t benefit me in someway. I will always think logically and in the long run, so at the time my decisions may not be the most ideal but in the end will work out.Judgment. I plan my activities before hand and like to be prepared. I’m spontaneous in the sense that I’m down to partake in new activities, but generally I like when things are all planned out. I like thinks going as planned and if they don’t, I’m still level-headed enough to figure out a solution.

—Sandra Krebs Hirsch

I keep a lot of things to myself. I’m generally very open and willing to share if people ask, but in the end I still keep a lot of things in my own mind for my own personal use. I keep to myself when I think it’s unnecessary for others to know. I’m super independent and don’t need someone to take care of me. I like when people care for me, but I don’t need someone spoon-feeding my food or insisting and treating me like a child. I’m an adult who is more than capable of taking care of herself. I work best on my own and hate group projects. I’ll even drop classes that have group projects because I hate it that much. I rather work on my own because I’m a bit OCD in controlling certain things.

I like things moving and getting done, so I will take control if there’s no one else stepping up. I don’t step up to the plate because I like to be in a leadership position; I step up because I don’t like seeing things unfinished. I like to see things put into motion and on the way to completion. If things need to be done and no one’s doing anything about it, I’ll start it. That’s why when I see people not doing anything when things should be done or people who are unmotivated it bothers me. I think there’s always something to be done, and even if it’s the smallest action it matters in the long run.

Senior year has put me in high gear. I want to get things started and finished. Thinking and reflecting on what’s to come.

// that’s that//

I’ve been thinking about the difference between keeping busy and keeping distracted. Being busy can be considered a distraction. It goes hand in hand. But it comes down to whether your intentions are to use your time wisely and achieve as much as you can in your busy state compared to filling your plate as much as you can to keep your mind off of something.

I’ve been keeping myself “busy.” In the beginning I thought it was because I wanted to do as much as I could during my last year in SD. I feel like I’ve done so much more this one fall quarter than I did for the past three years here. Obviously that’s impossible, but that’s what it feels like. In reality, I was keeping myself distracted. I didn’t want to think about certain things because I thought that the less I thought about it the less it would be true and the faster it would disappear. I realized that I was just running away from it all. If you run away while you’re always looking behind, you’ll end up falling down. Moving forward is moving on and you can’t move on when you keep looking back.

I journal. A lot. I have filled diaries and sometimes I read back on what I wrote and am embarrassed. It’s not inspiring, eye-opening diary entries; instead, it’s more straight-forward stuff like what happened that day, what I felt, what I want to do, what I wish I did etc. I don’t think I should reread my entries. I look back and begin to think of the things I should have done, shouldn’t have done, wish I’d done…

Tunnel vision is good, but only when you look forward to where you’re going and not back to where you’ve been. There’s always an ending to every story: complete, open-ended, sequel.

#whyamiwatchingdearjohnrightnowitisnothelping

// ######//

I just wrote a five paragraph essay about the present happenings in my life but deleted it because I thought it was uninteresting. Instead I’ll share a short story that I read and encouraged me.

Once upon a time, there was a donkey, a farmer, and a hole. The donkey fell into a hole and got stuck. The farmer looked down into the hole and realized that it would be very difficult to get the donkey out of the hole, especially since the farmer had to fill the hole up anyways. So he decided that to save himself the trouble and just fill the hole; the donkey was old and it would be easier to sacrifice the donkey instead of his own sweat.

The farmer called some of his friends over and they all grabbed a shovel to begin filling the hole. Shovel full by shovel full, the farmer and his friends three dirt onto the donkey. The donkey brayed horribly because it realized what was happening. The farmer and his friends ignored the pleading donkey’s cry and continued to throw dirt into the hole.

As the farmer and his friends shoveled dirt to fill the hole, they soon realized that it had become quiet and the only sound they hear was their shovel piercing the dirt and a thud into the hole. While the farmer’s friends continued to fill the hole with dirt, the farmer looked down into the hole and was shocked at what he saw.

Every time a shovel of dirt hit the donkey’s back, it would shake it off and step on top of it. Shovel by shovel the donkey got closer to the surface. Finally the donkey shook off the last grain of dirt and stepped out of the hole and walked away.

the end.

So, if you feel like everything is crumbling down and there’s a weight on your shoulder, then shake it off and move forward. If you just take a moment and pray to God about what you should do in your time of trouble, the answer will come to you. God will help you directly or he will send someone to help you. All you have to do is trust. Easier said than done of course, when you’re stressing over something. But patience is key. I’m a super impatient person so waiting is near impossible. But I’m seriously just trusting God and going with the flow; when things go bad I shake it off and know that it’ll work out in the end. I’ve been stressing less and I’m pretty sure I’m a happier person. I’m feeling a lot more productive as well, I feel like I’m moving forward.

Have you ever heard that people don’t think they have bad eyes until they go get their eyes checked and get glasses and realize how blurry everything really was? They were living life in 720p instead of 1080p. That’s how I would explain my experience right now. I thought I saw everything in my life clearly and had everything figured out; it made me make some rash decisions. I’ve been praying and leaning on God in my times of need and life is so much better. I had always been “saying” that I trusted God, but really I was just saying it and not really doing it; so, I started to take matters into my own hands by relying on my strength (which doesn’t exist) instead of His. I’ve realized mistakes that I made because of what I thought was “clear,” but I can’t regret anything now because its been done. My clarity was a result of it, but now I can’t help but want to fix it. Maybe it’s too late? Maybe not. You live and you learn, right?

I think one thing I’m good at is learning from my mistakes. But the downside of this is….I don’t learn until I’ve made the mistake. Then there’s regret for something I can’t change. It’s a huge fault but something I’ve been struggling with for a while. It’s a learning process, but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to “experience” everything.

ok this ended up being just as long as my post before…. —;

starting my writing back up #lunarheartscomingsoon #tobecompletedbydec31 #markmywords

// Craft/Video JOB!//

I just got hired to plan/film/produce 20 craft videos for a Christian company, geared towards Sunday School teachers teaching 3-14 year olds. I have a deadline of 3 weeks, so the next few projects that I post onto my blog will be more for children than…

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// “It’s not about being perfect; imperfections add character” -AYL//

This is something I’ve learned through the short time I’ve been DIY-ing. It’s not about trying to get everything right because it’s when you take an idea and transform it into your own, that you create something truly amazing. The more I think about it…

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// bible challenge//

For the past couple years I’ve tried to do daily devotions. I’m not sure how other people choose which passage to read, but personally…I choose randomly. Like, more often than once I would take the date (4.10.12) and would transform that into Book 4, Chp 10, Verse 12. Something like that. But if it didn’t work out I would just scramble it around to make it work somehow.

This method worked for awhile but I was never fully consistent in my reading. I think the longest I went without missing a day was one week (I’m weak…). It’s pretty hard. Honestly, some days it’s just really hard—I might be sleepy, I rather do something else, I forget. For some reason making excuses is so much easier even though it takes the same amount of energy.

Anyways, I’m a “planning” type of person; meaning I like knowing what I need to do, when I need to do it by, and how I’m going to do it. In this sense, I’m pretty OCD. If you ever see my with a little black notebook, it honestly contains my whole life. (I love scribbling my thoughts, ideas, plans, schedules etc in random notebooks I carry…I own a lot). Couple of the pages in my notebook contain pages titled “TO DO LIST WEEK ??” and I will literally list ever single thing I’m going to do for that day, in the order (sometimes listed by time) that I’m going to do it by. Usually, I’ll follow it exactly to the T. Call me crazy, but I like knowing what I’m going to do, because if I don’t have anything planned then I’ll probably just rot away wasting my time.

What does this have to do with my daily devotion?

Well, I thought that if I knew what I should read for that each day it would give me more of an incentive to read my bible EVERYDAY. That’s why I took on the 1 YEAR BIBLE CHALLENGE. RAH. Yeah, I’m attempting. I’m sure that I’ll probably miss a few days, but I’m really trying to be consistent and so far so good. But, even better I have someone to keep me accountable! heh :) @Sam Hoonie Kim.

We both started the same day April 8, 2012 (Easter Sunday!).

AFTER WE READ: write whatever speaks to you in the notebook and we’ll meet weekly and share.

IF WE MISS A DAY: whoever misses a day has to put a $1 in a jar and by the end of the year we shall see how many dollars there are. Hopefully not too many!

bible challenge moleskine! heh :)

AYLart

362days.to.go.

// SG<3 | Blessed//

My Small Group is the biggest blessing I’ve ever been given!!

It has renewed my love for God and only makes me desire Him even more :)

I only met with my girls once, and even though we were freezing outside and it only lasted about 30-40 minutes…it was one of the best experiences. I’m so glad I got to meet with them before the Thanksgiving break! I was overwhelmed with love for them and I can literally count the times I’ve actually talked with them on my hand! It’s amazing the love that God can place in your heart.

I honestly didn’t expect to feel like this at all. I didn’t imagine I would be impacted so hard. I’m loving every second of it. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt so strongly for something and it’s refreshing and livening.

In the beginning, before I even received my small group I was so nervous and even second guessed myself a few times. But now, being here, right now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I couldn’t be any happier for choosing to stick with my decision to be a leader.

I’m so thankful for my SG girls and I can’t wait for this year. I know God has big plans for us and I’m looking forward to every minute I’ll get to spend with them.

God has answered all my prayers. I’ve put my faith in Him and He never fails to shower me with His grace and love.

Prayer Request: That both my SG girls will be able to go to UR. (I know right now it’s near impossible since SD already exceeds the limit, but God works miracles and I know if it’s His will, then He’ll make a way)

Philippians 4:4-7 <3

// SG | the POWER of God and the simple step of word of mouth//

So many of you know that we just got our SG’s yesterday and that there are less freshmen than usual (esp girls). I just wanted to share somethingg :)
I was talking with melissa today and I mentioned that we don’t have enough girls, and asked her to tell any freshmen about SG’s and see if they’re interested. She has a lab partner that’s a non-Christian but interested and with just one text the freshman replied that she was interested! :D Thank God! :)

Soo basically, bottom line is….if a non-christian is willing to put herself out there without even going to KCM once yet then I’m sure that there are a lot of other freshmen that just haven’t been reached out to! :D So if you know a freshmen that may be interested (or maybe even not, doesn’t matter)

I’m encouraging you to text them and see if they’re interested in SG. It’s not too late! :) we’ll be announcing them tomorrow :D

// stumbled and unsatisfied//

Stumbled by association. I shouldn’t judge, because honestly what do I know…if I judge another, it would make me a hypocrite and I should just eat my own words. Confusion. I looked upon and respected, but now I don’t know what to think at all.

We believe.

We love.

We have faith.

We are saved.

Yet do the little beliefs count as well? I believe what I believe. I can’t tell where it roots from. Do I believe it? Or does the things people say affect what what I believe? Do I actually believe what I think I believe? What do I do when it starts to affect the way I see people? Stumbled.

I should look up to you, yet I can’t help but feel unsatisfied. Bothered.

The gates have closed and the window is shut unless I can find the key.

Romans 14.